I was a very happy person.

My wonderful girlfriend and I had been dating for over a year, and so we decided to get married. There was only one little thing bothering me , it was her beautiful younger sister.

My prospective sister-in-law was twenty-two, wore very tight miniskirts, and generally was always flirting with me. She would regularly bend down when she was near me, and whisper some dirty words to me, smiling. It had to be deliberate. She never did it when she was near anyone else.

One day "little" sister called and asked me to come over to check the wedding invitations. She was alone when I arrived, and she whispered to me that she had feelings and desires for me that she couldn't overcome. She told me that she wanted to make love to me just once before I got married and committed my life to her sister. Well, I was in total shock, and couldn't say a word.

She said, "I'm going upstairs to my bedroom, and if you want one last wild fling, just come up and get me." I was stunned and frozen in shock as I watched her go up the stairs. When she reached the top she pulled off her underwear and threw them down the stairs at me.

I stood there for a moment, then turned and made a beeline straight to the front door. I opened the door, and headed straight towards my car.

Lo and behold, my entire future family was standing outside, all clapping! With tears in his eyes, my father-in-law hugged me and said, "We are very happy that you have passed our little test.we couldn't ask for better man for our daughter. Welcome to the family." And the moral of this story is: Always keep your condoms in your car!

One year, at Duke, there were these two guys who
were taking Chemistry and who did pretty well on
all of the quizzes and the midterms and labs,
such that going into the final they had a
solid A. These two friends were so confident
going into the final that the weekend before
finals week (even though the Chemistry final was
on Monday), they decided to go up to Uvirginia
and party with some friends up there. So they did
this and had a great time.

However, with their hangovers and everything,
they overslept all day Sunday and didn't make it
back to Duke until early Monday morning. Rather
than taking the final then, what they did was to
find Professor Bonk after the final and explain
to him why they missed the final.

They told him that they went up to UV for the
weekend, and had planned to come back in time to
study, but that they had a flat tire on the way
back and didn't have a spare and couldn't get
help for a long time and so were late getting
back to campus.

Bonk thought this over and then agreed that they
could make up the final on the following day. The
two guys were elated and relieved.

So, they studied that night and went in the next
day at the time that Bonk had told them. He
placed them in separate rooms and handed each of
them a test booklet and told them to begin. They
looked at the first problem, which was something
simple about molarity and solutions and was
worth 5 points.

"Cool" they thought, "this is going to be easy."
They did that problem and then turned the page.
They were unprepared, however, for what they saw
on the next page. It said:

(95 points) Which tire?

A man takes the day off work and decides to go out
golfing. He is on the second hole when he notices
a frog sitting next to the green. He thinks
nothing of it and is about to shoot when he hears,
"Ribbit. 9 Iron." The man looks around and
doesn't see anyone. "Ribbit. 9 Iron."

He looks at the frog and decides to prove the frog
wrong, puts his other club away, and grabs a 9
iron. Boom! he hits it 10 inches from the cup.

He is shocked. He says to the frog, "Wow, that's
amazing. You must be a lucky frog, eh?" The frog
replies, "Ribbit. Lucky frog."

The man decides to take the frog with him to the
next hole. "What do you think, frog?" the man
asks. "Ribbit. 3 Wood." The guy takes out a 3
wood and, BOOM! Hole-in-one. The man is befuddled
and doesn't know what to say.

By the end of the day, the man golfed the best
game of golf in his life and asks the frog, "OK,
where to next?" The frog replies, "Ribbit. Las
Vegas." They go to Las Vegas and the guy says,
"OK, frog, now what?"

The frog says, "Ribbit. Roulette." Upon
approaching the roulette table, the man asks,
"What do you think I should bet?" The frog
replies, "Ribbit. $3000, black 6." Now this is a
million-to-one shot to win, but after the golf
game, the man figures what the heck. Boom! Tons
of cash comes sliding back across the table. The
man takes his winnings and buys the best room in
the hotel.

He sits the frog down and says, "Frog, I don't
know how to repay you. You've won me all this
money and I am forever grateful."

The frog replies, "Ribbit. Kiss me." He figures
why not, since after all the frog did for him he
deserves it. With a kiss the frog turns into a
gorgeous 15-year-old girl.

"And that, you honor, is how the girl ended up in
my room."

DONT LAUGH!!!
A man went to the doctor and said, "Doctor, I've got a problem, but if
you're going to treat it, first you've got to promise not to laugh."

"Of course I won't laugh," the doctor said. "I'm a professional. In
over twenty years I've never laughed at a patient."

"Okay then," the man said, and proceeded to drop his trousers,
revealing the tiniest penis the doctor has ever seen.
Unable to control himself, the doctor fell laughing to the floor. Ten
minutes later he was able to struggle to his feet and regain his
composure.

"I'm so sorry," he said. "I don't know what came over me. On my honor
as a doctor and a gentleman, I promise it won't happen again. Now what
seems to be the problem?"

"It's swollen."