A naija-guy's, jokes blog

2006-11-16T20:13:00.000+02:00

I was a very happy person.

My wonderful girlfriend and I had been dating for over a year, and so we decided to get married. There was only one little thing bothering me , it was her beautiful younger sister.

My prospective sister-in-law was twenty-two, wore very tight miniskirts, and generally was always flirting with me. She would regularly bend down when she was near me, and whisper some dirty words to me, smiling. It had to be deliberate. She never did it when she was near anyone else.

One day "little" sister called and asked me to come over to check the wedding invitations. She was alone when I arrived, and she whispered to me that she had feelings and desires for me that she couldn't overcome. She told me that she wanted to make love to me just once before I got married and committed my life to her sister. Well, I was in total shock, and couldn't say a word.

She said, "I'm going upstairs to my bedroom, and if you want one last wild fling, just come up and get me." I was stunned and frozen in shock as I watched her go up the stairs. When she reached the top she pulled off her underwear and threw them down the stairs at me.

I stood there for a moment, then turned and made a beeline straight to the front door. I opened the door, and headed straight towards my car.

Lo and behold, my entire future family was standing outside, all clapping! With tears in his eyes, my father-in-law hugged me and said, "We are very happy that you have passed our little test.we couldn't ask for better man for our daughter. Welcome to the family." And the moral of this story is: Always keep your condoms in your car!

2006-11-11T20:30:00.000+02:00

One year, at Duke, there were these two guys who
were taking Chemistry and who did pretty well on
all of the quizzes and the midterms and labs,
such that going into the final they had a
solid A. These two friends were so confident
going into the final that the weekend before
finals week (even though the Chemistry final was
on Monday), they decided to go up to Uvirginia
and party with some friends up there. So they did
this and had a great time.

However, with their hangovers and everything,
they overslept all day Sunday and didn't make it
back to Duke until early Monday morning. Rather
than taking the final then, what they did was to
find Professor Bonk after the final and explain
to him why they missed the final.

They told him that they went up to UV for the
weekend, and had planned to come back in time to
study, but that they had a flat tire on the way
back and didn't have a spare and couldn't get
help for a long time and so were late getting
back to campus.

Bonk thought this over and then agreed that they
could make up the final on the following day. The
two guys were elated and relieved.

So, they studied that night and went in the next
day at the time that Bonk had told them. He
placed them in separate rooms and handed each of
them a test booklet and told them to begin. They
looked at the first problem, which was something
simple about molarity and solutions and was
worth 5 points.

"Cool" they thought, "this is going to be easy."
They did that problem and then turned the page.
They were unprepared, however, for what they saw
on the next page. It said:

(95 points) Which tire?

2006-11-11T19:46:00.000+02:00

A man takes the day off work and decides to go out
golfing. He is on the second hole when he notices
a frog sitting next to the green. He thinks
nothing of it and is about to shoot when he hears,
"Ribbit. 9 Iron." The man looks around and
doesn't see anyone. "Ribbit. 9 Iron."

He looks at the frog and decides to prove the frog
wrong, puts his other club away, and grabs a 9
iron. Boom! he hits it 10 inches from the cup.

He is shocked. He says to the frog, "Wow, that's
amazing. You must be a lucky frog, eh?" The frog
replies, "Ribbit. Lucky frog."

The man decides to take the frog with him to the
next hole. "What do you think, frog?" the man
asks. "Ribbit. 3 Wood." The guy takes out a 3
wood and, BOOM! Hole-in-one. The man is befuddled
and doesn't know what to say.

By the end of the day, the man golfed the best
game of golf in his life and asks the frog, "OK,
where to next?" The frog replies, "Ribbit. Las
Vegas." They go to Las Vegas and the guy says,
"OK, frog, now what?"

The frog says, "Ribbit. Roulette." Upon
approaching the roulette table, the man asks,
"What do you think I should bet?" The frog
replies, "Ribbit. $3000, black 6." Now this is a
million-to-one shot to win, but after the golf
game, the man figures what the heck. Boom! Tons
of cash comes sliding back across the table. The
man takes his winnings and buys the best room in
the hotel.

He sits the frog down and says, "Frog, I don't
know how to repay you. You've won me all this
money and I am forever grateful."

The frog replies, "Ribbit. Kiss me." He figures
why not, since after all the frog did for him he
deserves it. With a kiss the frog turns into a
gorgeous 15-year-old girl.

"And that, you honor, is how the girl ended up in
my room."

2006-11-06T10:57:00.000+02:00

DONT LAUGH!!!
A man went to the doctor and said, "Doctor, I've got a problem, but if
you're going to treat it, first you've got to promise not to laugh."

"Of course I won't laugh," the doctor said. "I'm a professional. In
over twenty years I've never laughed at a patient."

"Okay then," the man said, and proceeded to drop his trousers,
revealing the tiniest penis the doctor has ever seen.
Unable to control himself, the doctor fell laughing to the floor. Ten
minutes later he was able to struggle to his feet and regain his
composure.

"I'm so sorry," he said. "I don't know what came over me. On my honor
as a doctor and a gentleman, I promise it won't happen again. Now what
seems to be the problem?"

"It's swollen."

2006-10-25T00:20:00.000+03:00

Some funny pics to get you rolling.

(That will be our new design for toilets if women ruled the world)

(can you blame nature?)

(does this look familiar?)

2006-10-20T21:01:00.000+03:00

Please dont laugh too much.

Mrs. Eze hires a maid with beautiful long hair. The first morning, the girl pulls off the hair and says, "I wear a wig, because I was born totally hairless. Not a hair on my body, not even down there."

That night, Mrs. Eze tells her husband. He says, "I've never seen anything like that. Please tomorrow, ask her to go into the bedroom and show you. I want to hide in the closet so I can have a look."

The next day, Mrs. Eze asks the girl, the two of them go into the bedroom, and the girl strips and shows her. Then the girl says, "I've never seen one with hair on it. Can I see yours?"

So Mrs. Eze pulls off her clothes and shows her. That night, Mrs. Eze says to her husband, "I hope you're satisfied, because I was pretty embarrassed when that girl asked to see mine."

Her husband says, "You think you were embarrassed, I had the four guys I play football with in the closet with me."

A psychiatrist visited a California mental institution and asked a patient, "How did you get here? What was the nature of your illness?" He got the following reply.

"Well, it all started when I got married and I guess I should never have done it. I married a widow with a grown daughter who then became my stepdaughter.

My dad came to visit us, fell in love with my lovely stepdaughter, then married her. And so my stepdaughter was now my stepmother. Soon, my wife had a son who was, of course, my daddy's brother-in-law since he is the half-brother of my stepdaughter, who is now, of course, my daddy's wife.

So, as I told you, when my stepdaughter married my daddy, she was at once my stepmother! Now, since my new son is brother to my stepmother, he also became my uncle. As you know, my wife is my step-grandmother since she is my stepmother's mother. Don't forget that my stepmother is my stepdaughter. Remember, too, that I am my wife's grandson.

But hold on just a few minutes more. You see, since I'm married to my step-grandmother, I am not only the wife's grandson and her hubby, but I am also my own grandfather. Now can you understand how I got put in this place?"

After staring blanky with a dizzy look on his face, the psychiatrist replied: "Move over!"

2006-10-17T17:05:00.000+03:00

Thot ıt was about tıme ı posted some funny pıcs here. Enjoy

2006-10-17T15:14:00.000+03:00

Tongue twisters

Ok i have here a collection of tongue twisters. i collected as many as i can but if you still have more you can as well post it.

-How much web would a web browser browse, if a web browser could browse web Well?

-A plaintain planter planted plenty plaintain in plaintain plaintation

-Peter Piper picked a peck of prickled pepper
A peck of prickled pepper Peter Piper picked
If Peter Piper picked a peck of prickled pepper
How many peck of prickled pepper does Peter Piper picked

-Betty Botter bought some butter, but she said "this butter's bitter! But a bitof better butterwill but make my butter better" So she bought some betterbutter, better than the bitter butter, and it made her butter better so 'twasbetter Betty Botter bought a bit of better butter

-She sells sea shells by the sea shore.The shells she sells are surely seashells.So if she sells shells on the seashore,I'm sure she sells seashore shells.

-When a doctor gets sick and another doctor doctors him,does the doctor doing the doctoring have to doctor the doctor the way the doctor being doctored wants to be doctored,or does the doctor doing the doctoring of the doctor doctor the doctor as he wants to do the doctoring

-I wish to wish the wish you wish to wish, but if you wish the wish the witch wishes, I won't wish the wish you wish to wish.

-A big black bug bit a big black bear,made the big black bear bleed blood

-I thought a thought.
But the thought I thought wasn't the thought I thought I thought.
If the thought I thought I thought had been the thought I thought, I wouldn't have thought so much

-How many slim slimy snakes would slither silently to the sea if slim slimy snakes could slither silently?
and finally;
-Repeat this very fast - Red Ladder, Yellow Ladder

2006-10-16T18:40:00.000+03:00

Johnny wanted to screw a girl in his office, but she had a boyfriend, One day Johnny got so frustrated that he went up to her and said: I'll give you a 1000 dollars if you let me screw you, but the girl said, NO. Johnny said:? I'll be fast, I'll throw the money on the floor, you bend down, I'll be finished by the time you pick it up. She thought for a moment and said that she would have to consult her boyfriend, So she called her boyfriend and told him the story. Her boyfriend says:? Ask him for 2000 dollars, pick up the money very fast, he won't even be able to get his pants down. So she agrees and accepts the proposal. Half an hour goes by and the boyfriend is waiting for his girlfriend to call. Finally after 45 mins the boyfriend calls and asks what happened, She said:, THE BASTARD USED COINS!!!"

2006-10-15T22:37:00.000+03:00

An elderly woman walked into the Bank of Canada one morning with a purse full of money. She wanted to open a savings
account and insisted on talking to the president of the Bank
because, she said, she had a lot of money.

After many lengthy discussions (after all, the client is always
right) an employee took the elderly woman to the president's
office.

The president of the Bank asked her how much she wanted to deposit. She placed her purse on his desk and replied,
"$165,000". The president was curious and asked her how she had been able to save so much money. The elderly woman
replied that she made bets.

The president was surprised and asked, "What kind of bets?"

The elderly woman replied, "Well, I bet you $25,000 that your testicles are square."

The president t started to laugh and told the woman that it was
impossible to win a bet like that.

The woman never batted an eye. She just looked at the president and said, "Would you like to take my bet?"

"Certainly", replied the president. "I bet you $25,000 that my
testicles are not square."

"Done", the elderly woman answered. "But given the amount of money involved, if you don't mind I would like to come back at 10 o'clock tomorrow morning with my lawyer as a witness."

"No problem", said the president of the Bank confidently.

That night, the president became very nervous about the bet
and spent a long time in front of the mirror examining his
testicles, turning them this way and that, checking them over
again and again until he was positive that no one could
consider his testicles as square and reassuring himself that there was no way he could lose the bet.

The next morning at exactly 10 o'clock the elderly woman
arrived at the president's office with her lawyer a and
acknowledged the $25,000 bet made the day before that the
president's testicles were square.

The president confirmed that the bet was the same as the one
made the day before. Then the elderly woman asked him to
drop his pants etc. so that she and her lawyer could see clearly.

The president was happy to oblige.

The elderly woman came closer so she could see better and
asked the president if she could touch them. "Of course", said the president. "Given the amount of money involved, you
should be 100% sure."

The elderly woman did so with a little smile Suddenly the
president noticed that the lawyer was banging his head against
the wall. He asked the elderly woman why he was doing that
and she replied, "Oh, it's probably because I bet him $100,000 that around 10 o'clock in the morning I would be holding the
balls of the President of the Bank of Canada!"

2006-10-10T03:37:00.000+03:00

At school, a boy was told by a classmate that
most adults are hiding at least one dark secret,
and that this makes it very easy to blackmail
them by saying, "I know the whole truth".
The boy decides to go home and try it out. He
goes home, and as he is greeted by his mother he
says, "I know the whole truth." His mother
quickly hands him $20 and says, "Just don't tell
your father."
Quite pleased, the boy waits for his father to
get home from work, and greets him with, "I know
the whole truth." The father promptly hands him
$40 and says, "Please don't say aword to your
mother."
Very pleased, the boy is on his way to school the
next day, when he sees the mailman at his front
door. The boy greets him by saying, "I know the
whole truth." The mailman drops the mail, opens
his arms, and says, "Then come give your FATHER
a big hug."

2006-10-05T23:50:00.000+03:00

If u've not seen this hope u get to laff...
My dear Jagjit, I am in a well here and hoping you are also in a well there. I'm writingthis letter slowly, because I know you cannot read fast. We don't livewhere we did when you left home. Your dad read in the newspaper that most accidents happen 20 miles from home, so we moved 20 miles. I won't be ableto send the address as the last Sardar who stayed here took the housenumbers with them for their new house so they would not have to change their address. Hopefully by next week we will be able to take our earlieraddress plate here, so that our address will remain same too. This placeis really nice. It even has a washing machine, situated right above the toilet.I'm not sure it works too well. Last week I put in 3 shirts, pulled thechain and haven't seen them since. The weather here isn't too bad. Itrained only twice last week. The first time it rained for 3 days and second time for 4 days. The coat you wanted me to send you, your Aunt saidit would be a little too heavy to send in the mail with all the metalbuttons, so we cut them off and put them in the pocket.Your father has another job. He has 500 men under him. He is cutting the grass at the cemetery. By the way I took Bahu to our club's poolside. Themanager is Badmash. He told her that two piece swimming suit is notallowed in his club. We were confused as to which piece should we remove? Your sister had a baby this morning. I haven't found out whether it is agirl or a boy, so I don't know whether you are an Aunt or Uncle. Youruncle, Jetinder fell in the nearby well. Some men tried to pull him out, but he fought them off bravely and drowned. We cremated him and he burnedfor three days. Your best friend, Balwinder, is no more. He died trying to fulfil hisfather's last wishes. His father had wished to be buried in the sea after he died. And your friend died while in the process of digging a grave forhis father. There isn't much more news this time. Nothing much has happened. Love Mom.

PS(NOTE): Jagjit, I was going to send you some money but by the time I realised, I had already sealed off this letter. Buy-Buy.Moda

2006-10-05T23:06:00.000+03:00

Everyone knows that Salary Theorem establishes that Engineers and Scientists can NEVER EVER earn as much money as Businessmen, Politicians and actors easily make.

This theorem can be demonstrated by reducing it to a mathematical equation.This equation rests on two postulates:

Postulate No 1: Knowledge is Power i.e

Knowledge = Power

Postulate No 2: Time is Money i.e

Time = MoneyGiven that:Power = Work / Time

Therefore we have: Knowledge = Work / Money

We can easily obtain: Money = Work / Knowledge

So when Knowledge goes toward zero, Money goes toward infinity, regardless of the value given to Work, even if the value of Work is small.

On the contrary, when Knowledge goes toward infinity, Money goes toward zero, even if the value of Work is high.

The evident conclusion:The less you work, the more money you surely make.

Final word:Those of you who have had difficulty following this theory, don't worry because you will surely make a lot of Money!